Women who are TOO nice
Are you a woman who:
- Often feels burnt out, under-appreciated, and/or resentful?
- Struggles to ask for what she wants, finds it hard to say no, over-gives and suffers guilt when prioritising herself?
- Longs for better sex, to show up more fully in relationships, or who has simply had enough of feeling like a doormat?
I hear you! Know that these are all symptoms of ‘niceness’. Being ‘too nice’ is actually a deeply wired response to trauma, a set of conditioned strategies for staying safe in the world where, as a woman, you were devalued and disempowered from a young age.
The niceness I am talking about consists of unhealthy self-sacrifice, people-pleasing and the need to always be liked. Eventually, it ends up ruining our capacity for true intimacy and damaging our most precious relationships. This niceness is brutally unkind to all involved.
In this recorded talk, I share my discoveries about niceness - where it originates, its key symptoms and the long-term consequences it has in women’s lives. Then, we’ll explore how it manifests as a way of being in the body and how an embodied approach is often the missing key to breaking free into greater ease, authenticity and power.
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Hello!
I'm Erika Chalkley
And I'm a self-confessed 'nice' woman.
My purpose in life is to help other 'nice' women like me break free of the female conditioning to ‘be nice’, and escape the prison of fears it creates so that they can live their truest, most beautiful, daring lives and share their talents with the world.
Consider me a woman intent on freedom.
I grew up in a very poor area, in a stigmatised community and experienced the injustice of that through my childhood.
I never understood why some people’s lives seemed to be less important than others.
So I went onto study it in every way possible. I hold an MA in Human Rights, Identity and Citizenship. I worked for UK parliament and world leading NGOs before spending 10yrs as a community organiser/social worker in one of the poorest parts of the UK.
I want women to be free - legally, politically, economically, socially.
Disillusionment with the limits of socio-political change led me to Buddhism in my early 20’s and I have been practising ever since. From here, I went on to train with some of the world’s leading experts in embodiment and trauma.
I want women to be free - mentally, emotionally, spiritually.
Living in India among a lower caste community, taught me that no amount of legal or political change works unless the way in which we think, perceive, and experience ourselves and the world changes. Caste-based discrimination has been illegal since 1950's, but it’s never gone away.
I believe in systemic change - legal, political, economic.
I believe in personal change - trauma healing, undoing embodied conditioning, transforming our bodyminds.
And I believe in the necessity of community for both.
We need all three to really create change in the lives of women.
Your Right to Be is my small contribution to that work of freedom.
It’s my imperfect activism.
I hope you’ll join me.
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